To amuse myself on a snowy afternoon, I made this handy chart comparing the accomplishments and not-so-accomplishments of the two elected female Republican Party Governors: M. Jodi Rell of Connecticut and Sarah Palin of Alaska.

 

After spending some time thinking about them, the inescapable conclusion struck me: although separated by a continent thousands of miles wide, Rell and Palin aren't that different.

 

This comparison should've been done long ago, and it will only be valid for a short while, because very soon, a third GOP female governor will assume office.

 

Arizona's GOP secretary of the state Jan Brewer will accede to the governorship after Democratic Governor Janet Napolitano assumes her position in the Obama administration as head of the Department of Homeland Security.

Will Jan be like Sarah or Jodi? Already Jan's a syllable short, so read while the readin's good.

 

Veep:
Rell: Relatively obscure but popular governor who made McCain's short list.                                   
Palin: Relatively obscure but popular governor who sank McCain's chances.

 

Higher Ed:
Palin: Filed through six colleges, but eventually earned a bachelors' degree.
Rell: Dropped out of two schools, never graduated, but holds two honorary doctorate degrees.

 

Political start:
Palin: Three terms as city councilor in Wasilla.
Rell: Five-term state representative from CT's 107th District.

 

Maiden Name:
Palin: Heath.
Rell: Reavis.

 

A Figure in History the Guv Could Relate To:
Palin: Machiavelli - Backstabbed mentor to run for higher officer.
Rell: Colonel Klink – "I know nothing." Feigned ignorance and indignation after corruption scandal sank her mentor and predecessor.    

       

Western Zodiac:
Palin: Aquarius - Truthful, talented, original, freedom loving, aloof, opinionated, proud.
Rell: Gemini - Quick, entertaining, charming, youthful, capricious, unpredictable, flirts.

 

Chinese Zodiac:
Palin: 1964, Year of the Dragon - Magnanimous, stately, ambitious, loyal, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, prejudiced, dogmatic.
Rell: 1946, Year of the Dog - Honest, intelligent, attractive, loyal, cynical, lazy, cold, judgmental, stubborn, dogged.

 

Electoral use of racism:
Palin: Political speeches and rallies about “The Real America” unleashed wave of hate speech.
Rell: Prevented first black candidate for Governor from appearing in televised debates.

 

Compassionate Conservativism:
Palin: After pardoning turkeys, interviewed with TV news in front of turkeys being slaughtered.
Rell: Couldn’t pardon Michael Ross, stood by as state prison-industrial complex slaughtered him.

 

Breaking with Bush:
Palin: Oct. 24, 2008 – Bush is the No. 1 problem for the GOP presidential ticket.
Rell: May 22, 2007 – Bush is a climate killer (with the Governator's help).

 

Recreation:
Palin: Shoots wolves from helicopters.
Rell: Likes horses. “Pony up, czarina.” Once hid a Mustang in her garage.

 

Undue Influence:
Palin: Troopergate - Had a cop fired for messing with family.
Rell: DEP-gate - Had two cops fired for messing with son.

 

Gay Marriage:
Palin: Vetoed a bill from Republican legislature in 2006 that would've barred state agencies from implementing a court order to give state employee benefits to same sex couples.
Rell: Almost vetoed a weak civil unions bill in 2005 to force the Democratic state legislature to define marriage as between man and woman.

 

Media:
Palin: Avoided hard-hitting interviews that might make her seem stupid. Mocked relentlessy.
Rell: Avoids hard-hitting morning radio shows that might hold her accountable. Seems to avoid being mocked.

 

Mass Transit:
Palin: Hard to count the number of people who threw her under the bus.
Rell: Hard to count the number of people she has thrown under the bus.

 

Parody:
Palin: Pranked by two deejays from Montreal pretending to be French President Nicolas Sarkozy.
Rell: Pranked by U.S. President-elect who promised financial aid for shovel-ready infrastructure projects.

 

Fredom of Information:
Palin: Influenced by far right-wing separatists, used easily hacked Yahoo! email account to avoid transparency.
Rell: Chief of staff runs the shop, has mastered the art of hiding and erasing emails on the state system.

 

Photoshopped:
Palin: Head placed on a machine-gun toting bikini babe.
Rell: Head placed on a bicycle-riding Almira Gulch.

 

Grandchildren as political props:
Palin: Family values via shotgun wedding.
Rell: Toddler flown in from Colorado for 2006 campaign commercials.

 

Groundbreaking Women's Historical Firsts:
Palin: First female GOP veep nominee. First female governor in AK, also AK’s youngest governor at 42.
Rell: Most votes ever received by CT gubernatorial candidate in 2006. Holds highest public opinion rating while doing absolutely diddly-squat.

 

Daily Commute:
Palin: Sold state jet plane. Bills taxpayers for working from Wasilla home, and commuting either 45 to Anchorage or 600 miles to Juneau.
Rell: Uses state Crown Vic limo, chauffered by a state cop for the 120 mile round-trip drive from Brookfield to Hartford.

 

Medical history:
Palin: Her water broke, then flew from Texas to Alaska to give birth.
Rell: Breast cancer survivor.

 

Marijuana:
Palin: Admits to inhaling, opposes Alaska's strong decriminalization movement.
Rell: Never inhaled, vetoed med marijuana bill.

                                              

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